Weekend Writing Warriors #3

*Given that it is mother’s day, I imagine things do become brighter after all the bends in the story.

*Same story as before but a different POV in the excerpt.

Mother always reminded me of a hawk when she read. Her gaze taking in a bird’s eye view of the world and sighting the places worth finding a branch to build a warm world for the next day. Our home was a haven for books. Mother believed everyone built nests like this one. She was wrong.

When Jowka walked away from the old bookshop, mother’s words trailed off. She became a ghost inside our home – much like father had once before he slipped into the faerie court, leaving this world.

*The previous excerpt was in 3rd person but as I write the story to include a few different perspectives, I experimented with 1st person. Still deciding on what feels right.

*Edited on 11 May: Thanks to the readers with a writer’s eye for spotting the possibly confusing subjects in the 2nd paragraph – subject clarified due to their help.

*The above writing is copyright Glaiza Perez. Cannot be reproduced without permission.

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “Weekend Writing Warriors #3

  1. I liked it, especially the bird imagery. Was a bit confused by the second paragraph. Is Jowka the mother’s name? I don’t know many people who think of their mothers by name (as opposed to Mom or Mother…) But the idea of the person becoming almost like a ghost in the home was cool.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I see where the confusion comes in – thanks for spotting it! Jowka is a separate character from the mother but is living with the mother and the daughter at beginning of the story. I’ll definitely edit to clarify i.e. ‘When Jowka walked away from the old book shop, *mother’s words trailed off.’

      Like

  2. I love that first paragraph. I enjoyed the analogy of the hawk, and the idea of a home being a haven for books made me feel warm, that wonderful feeling I get when surrounded by books. It really elicited emotion. Well done.

    I was also a bit confused by the second paragraph, but I chalked that up to my unfamiliarity with this story. I liked it as well, but was confused by who Jowka was.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for the kind words! I see where the confusion comes in – Jowka is a separate character from the mother but is living with the mother and the daughter at beginning of the story. I’ll definitely edit the 2nd paragraph to clarify i.e. ‘When Jowka walked away from the old book shop, *mother’s words trailed off.’

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s